Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Struggle

As a Dad and a Husband I seem to face an ever growing challenge. How do I fit it all in?

I work hard to support my family. As you can tell by the title of my blog I travel a lot. So this always is a challenge for me and my family.

I want to start out by saying that I try to do it all but sometimes it just cant be done.

I have a great relationship with my wife and our two daughters. The relationship with my son is not so easy.

Big D and I have our challenges. Mostly because of his mother. She tries to keep him away from me and she does everything in her power to make that happen. When Big D is here he is happy.He smiles and plays and does other thing beside what his standard answer when I call him.... "Playing Video Games".
We try hard to have great weekends when he comes down. We make time for us to do fun things as a family. And we still have some Daddy and Big D time.
I call him almost everyday and rarely do I get a call back. I text him ... no response. This put a great deal of pressure on me. I feel guilty that I cant see him or that I feel like he does not want me around.
This puts great pressure on my other relationships. Mommy D understands where I am coming from but it frustrates her that there is nothing that we can do right now.
So I try to be all things to all people.

A great Husband..
A good Father...
A good Employee..
A good Friend...

And when I cant do it all I get frustrated and shut down which is not fair to my family. I often get afraid that i am slipping into depression and I cant dig my way out. I know I cant please everyone all the time but I try....
To my family I am sorry that I cant be all those things. I love you all...

Friday, May 14, 2010

Coming Home

There is always something special about going home after a week away....

I wont get in until 2am but I will get to see my kids even if they are only sleeping. My wife will wake up with that cute "Sleepy Face" we will talk for a few minutes and then off to slumber..

The next morning our LittleD and BabyD will wake up and I will truly know that I am home.

It's funny, LittleD had mommy send me a text message " After Grandma comes over, DaddyD comes home and He misses me so much and I miss him too. I am SOOO excited" Getting these littel messages lets me know that things are gonna be great when I get home.

This trip has a short time home but the next trip is only 1 1/2 days.... Then a few days off to focus on the family.

We get to pick up BigD this weekend so it should be a great weekend too..

How do you make the kids feel special after a long trip?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Adventures in Cali

I am currently on a trip to California. I drew the shortest straw.. So I am 2200 miles away from home and missing my family.

My trips are usually shorter and If they are longer I can take my family with me. But this one was out west so I am coping again with the struggles of missing my family.

The trip started off well enough but my day of departure was mothers day. I felt like I was abandoning MrsD on Mothers Day. We did try to celebrate that morning. I got her a small but sentimental gift. We got to hang out most of the morning and then at 12:30 I had to get to the airport to catch my flight.

The trip was pretty uneventful but I had a feeling that some thing was going to go wrong.So at 8pm on Mothers Day i arrived in Fresno California.

I was picked up by the Project Manager and we headed to the hotel.

Monday morning I was feeling the jet lag. I woke up at 5 am thinking it was later and at 7 we went to work.

I usually train average workers to teach our software but this trip was special. These were "professional trainers" I use that term very loosely.

The day started and so did the questions. What about this... What about that.. Then I realized that the Project Manager did not communicate the expectations of Train the Trainer. So after day 1 was finally over things were not going well.

On Tuesday, we started with a different approach thanks to my over promising PM. When I woke up that day I had a horrible headache and a stomach ache that would not go away.I excused my self and ran to the bathroom and got sick.I pressed on...

We went to lunch and I could not eat.. I took 3 bites and new that I had to stop. We got back to work and I entered the room the class worked quietly on their presentations that were going to start that afternoon. I got a hot flash and booked it for the door thinking that if I could get some fresh air I would be okay.

I got outside and walked to the sun to warm up.. after all it is Cali. After a few second I realized I was going to be sick. I made an attempt to get up the stairs to the bathroom.I WAS NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!! So back outside I went.I walked out and saw my PM and he pointed me to the bushes away from the building.. I got sick again.

So my PM went inside and he got me some stuff to clean up with and with that I was on my way back to the hotel. This was the first time in 10 years that I went home sick. I felt horrible.

My PM drops me off and I fall asleep.

Meanwhile back at work the "professional trainers" that I mentioned we not exactly that. they began the presentations and it went wrong ... horribly wrong. They were fighting and the PM let it go on. So nothing got done while I was at the hotel sleeping.

Later that after noon.. I called home to talk to my wife. I heard the horrible news. My 3 yr old daughter was sick with the same thing that I had.

So here I am 2200 miles away from home and sick. I am 2200 miles away from my daughter who is sick. I felt horrible that I could not be there for her.

So I talked to my family and I went to bed and slept for 10 hours. The next day I felt great.

So I headed of to work and the day went much better.

If there are any daddy's that travel.. how do you get over the guilt of not being there for your sick child?

How to you keep in touch with your family when you are so far away.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Missing the Kids

I am a Dad who like most dads has to work. My work has me traveling across the United States and sometimes for extended periods of time. This blog is about my travels, coping with missing the kids and life in general.

I am a software trainer for a great company that really knows how to cake care of their employees. I really mean that. Anything that I need the take care of. Business is better than ever. This brings me to my problem.

How do you keep up with the kids and support you wife everyday when some days you are 2200 miles away?

My Wife and kids are my world and I only do what I do to provide for them and we are blessed to get to do some amazing things.

We spend a lot of time together when I am at home. I think my wife feels like I am a hermit because I rarely want to go any where when I am home. But the truth is I travel so much that when I am home I want to be home with my wife and kids.

Don't get me wrong I take the trips to the Zoo and we take vacations but I would rather be on the couch with the kids watching a movie than out and about.

My wife and I lets call her "MrsD" met online. This was an interesting thing because it was by accident that we met. I had just moved to Columbus and shew was on the site because she was catching up with a friend. We chatted back and forth for a long time before we ever talked on the phone or met.This allowed us to ask questions of each other that many of our friends that have been married for much longer still don't talk about.

We met for the first time at a local mall and she was with her brother and his girlfriend. They were along to "Check me out". After that day MrsD and I spent a lot of time at the mall. I would often meet her and LittleD before I had to go to work. I was working for a Training Company and they eventually went out of Business. We would talk and talk.

Thing at home for MrsD were not going so well. See she lived with her parents for a couple of years and to put it politely they were out growing there living condition.

So after a HUGE fight she and little D moved in with me.

I was divorced about 5 years ago and I have a Great Son "BigD" I would make the 6 hr round trip drive to get him every other weekend. We have always had a rocky relationship due to his mother but we were getting it worked out.

Instantly BigD became a big brother. I have to say I am amazed on how well he takes the roll. He struggles sometimes but as the time passes he is becoming a great big brother. I knew that he would be early because one day we were pumpkin picking at a local farm with the kids and a bigger kid pushed littleD down. BigD quickly pushed back and I had to pull him off of the other kid. Now BigD is NOT a fighter so I asked him why he did it and he said"gotta look out for littleD" "that's not right". At that point I knew we were gonna be okay.

Little D took to me almost instantly. See her father had not been in the picture hardly at all for most of her life. Little D started calling me Daddy quickly and I just ran with it. Little D is a bright,self proclaimed little diva..

So we were married in May 2009 and had a great first year together. We found out shortly there after that MrsD was with child and I could not have been happier. We welcomed BabyD into the world in February of 2010.

Now we have the complete Hers Mine and ours blended family. I caution this blended family type is not for everyone but it is perfect for us.